You’re going on a hoodie

so… can I get your number? I think this is the thing I’ve made I like best, edit 2: this is the thing that got me out of my writing rut, 2022’s day of birth, so thank you for coming 22. new years like birthdays always make me melancholy, nostalgic and hopeful, and happy because of what happened, and it’s sweet to switch lenses between rosy and grey, it’s fun to articulate it (or try to) edit 3: who do my school think they are sniffing at leaver’s hoodies

rolling on
it’s twenty, twenty to,
luscious twenty, to
skinny twenny one
creeping around the pavement edges, watching the cars
wonder where she’s going,
vaccine, supermarket, doctor’s, sneaky something? or school,
school, kids these days are driving, they were just eleven
or something small, walking with the lollipop
now they’re sliding up the lampposts
twenty one, adored in passing
a sweet holy hum, strawberry fields, tangerine summer
darkly dancing a while, a night away
wrapped around your neck, swear it’s colder than last year!
but no snow
first flake in the february frost
wide awake, sipping lattes through the early, yawning
oh over dinner she’ll slip away a few days under the table,
like some kinda clandestine footsie game, wasted in July’s sweat
now that’s attractive? what else?
what happened when
you were sitting by the moon
tossing in the sheets
turning at its face
waiting for the rain’s lullaby to lift you away
I’m hardly a child is this what comes when you reach the adult road sign?
I’m loving the early birthday presents, universe! go you!
I want a refund on this monopoly, watch out I could be a lawyer one day
I bought it on what would be a credit card with a C, R not a D,
the cloud’s like chance, community chest, what’s the first word mean —
what, get out of jail free card, you can’t hack the insomnia?
it’s weak, don’t crack
you were made to work, made to play while,
play the adults are talking, they’re at it again, at doorfeet and in the walls
you know the girls these days take paracetamol… but I don’t care,
it’s my body, and it’s laced in crack, I can’t, can’t
I just don’t know when I’ll be
fine, just, I’m fine, yes, cough, no symptoms

the birds said so
birds begin, the blues pale, as if summoned
‘glory days’ stuck in your throat, stuck to your duvet more like
duvets are strangely magnetic now, who would’ve thought?
stuck in a slump, mascara’s just a clump like me, i’ve found a friend
when will I buy something that actually works like the complicated writing says?
put the l in sick
slick
‘I was supposed to be having the time of my life’ sylvia phase
it’s a phase, he’s just a phase, it’s not a phase mom, she thinks she’s above ‘teenage angst’
it’s stuck in your throat, at the start of a happy birthday (to you)
sweet sixteen, what, sex at seventeen? can’t be seventeen then, I’m funny and I don’t like it
boys don’t like girls for funniness
they must love me then
if I don’t like olives I can’t be treated like I am one?
alarm’s not ready but morning breaks
hair breaks, they should be called hair breakers, these lies
it’s not in the hair it’s in the hair… breaker
it hardly fixes anything does it?
who cares if I’m pretty if I fail my exams?
someone said I’d be good at marketing
do I want to be?
chapel bell, morning arrived early,
quick flight?
not green, you’re making me red,
jealous
but who needs curtains when you don’t sleep before the last light on your street goes out
should be some kinda medal for that,
I’m s-t-r-o-n-g
twenty one flickers in the light,
stammers good morning, out of place like it’s woken up on polyjuice
never quite looking you in the eye between the croissants and oj
waiting for the numbers,
to make a liability out of me
shut your eyes now, you see too much
listen to the kettle and dream again

the daily whatever
little twenty one in the corner
reading, what,
nothing new
‘just kids’
it’s very good,
I mean, not too bad
better than yesterday’s yesterday
all the books are the same
these days
the whites of her eyes swim as she
dives into the moon
cue, sun! creep up again

opening calendar day
new parchment
I got tumbled in the dryer between 11.59 and 12
pinch
it’s the first
that hurt
flowers in the post, lilies, carnations, a cream rose
breathe, it smells better than it tastes
fresh tea leaves, ‘blueberry pancakes’
crawling clothes on the floor
zero days, how’s life on the other side?
good so far, wry laugh, keep the faith, don’t we all?
maybe this’ll be better, I clutch my fingers in my palm
hey twenty one, i’ll send a letter back when i’ve decided, might be
like Christmas, maybe boxing day, don’t think the post office is open this early in the year
more mail’s coming, promised by the 4th, just something for the docs
you’re in the mail too,
new year’s a wishing well
wishes
call me clingy but don’t bail
I’m still young but
17th’s ditch your resolution day
add a punch, just for measure
for what, a drink?

the day after monday
little twenty two
my morning fix at eight, walk at four
a leaf cradled in a palm
swirled in a cup with a finger
spreading itself along your damp bathroom mat out of the cold shower
it’s cold and i’m crazy
crazy enough for the nordic water
but you’re on the run, wake up, chase her she’s leaving, but i’m late for early for once but it’s late
she’ll be gone by another morning
like that second star that used to live in your eye
twenty,
and two, please, hello love?
pancakes, pancakes, syrup, pan…
oh sugar
what? oh, stumble around in your purse for the makeshift pound left for
your morning order
last 5p, found
is that good? yes, twenty two
had a late night last you know I
thanks,
and happy new year
to you, two